The time: Tuesday evening, approximately 6:00 pm, EDT
Place: A large, open office with semi-cubicles. AKA The Night Job.
What went down: I was sitting in my semi-cubicle, typing away at what it is we do, when loud cleaning lady approached my desk.
Wait, wait. Lemme back up: this lady, along with three other people, comes in to clean our office areas. LOUDLY. Every single time the woman comes in, I think someone is falling down the stairs.
When she mops the bathroom, water somehow ends up on the walls and ceilings [and, according to conversations had Tuesday night, a coworker’s leg], she and her cohorts take about two hours to empty the individual trash cans [our former cleaning team of TWO, only one of whom did trash cans, took about ten minutes to do the same task].
Tuesday night, new cleaning lady had ALREADY asked a coworker/supervisor of mine to do things for her. TWICE.
So, anyway, back to the story.
I’m sitting there, furiously typing in between reading notes, making notes, and looking things up when crazy new cleaning lady (hereafter referred to as CNCL) approaches my desk.
To empty my trashcan.
That is already empty…
She’s behind me, almost hovering, slamming around and being a general nuisance when she says, “I’m not making too much noise, am I baby?”
It takes me about four solid seconds to turn around and say, “Um, no you’re fine.”
I didn’t mean it.
CNCL takes this to mean “Please. PLEASE talk my ear off! Speak incoherently in incomplete-but-at-the-same-time-run-on sentences! Now! And speak directly into my ear!”
This is what I hear: “Well i’m just here to take care of people that’s what i do take care of people i don’t even know whatchall do here i don’t know what it is you’re doin’ i just take care of people i clean peoples’ houses during the day while they’re at work and then they get home and i tell ’em to take a bubble bath and i just take care of people…”
She wouldn’t stop! It was like the word vomit situation from Mean Girls, only, I don’t think the lady had any concept of or inner monologue about what she was doing.
I had to get out of the situtation. I reviewed my options:
– sit there, feigning sudden deafness until she left? No, she’d probably just keep yapping.
– pick up my earbuds, put them in my ears, and turn the volume up? She’s probably just speak louder.
– Get up and run away?
I went for option C.
I headed straight for coworker/supervisor who had been asked to do things for CNCL earlier in the evening.
“I am going to die,” I told her.
Our manager happened to be standing right there as I regaled cw/s with the details of my encounter with CNCL.
Manager proceeds to look at me and begin walking away while saying, “Let me talk to her.”
NO! NONONONONONONONO! I just walked off! She’ll know it was me!
But I didn’t move. I couldn’t.
I just stood there, back to CNCL, hoping I didn’t hear a verbal outburst or, worse, feel a broom handle hit me in the head.
I looked over at cute little pregnant coworker whose mouth formed a perfect O. Her eyes darted to me and she mouthed, “She’s crying!”
I felt like a total turd at that moment.
I swiftly turned my head, catching a glimpse of CNCL holding manager lady in a death-grip hug while crying.
CW/S just looked at me and laughed because, what else were we supposed to do?
I told her I was scared. I think she was, too.
Manager lady comes back over: “Great, I made her cry. Now I feel really creepy.”
Me: “What did you say to her?”
Manager lady: “I just told her ‘Our people are really busy in here and they need to stay focused. We need you guys to just get in and get out, okay? The people here really can’t stop working to socialize.’ Then she hugged me and started crying.”
According to sources close to the incident, CNCL ceased crying the second manager lady walked off.
I call crocodile tears.
I still feel like an asshole, though.