One thing I forgot to tell you about Woodchuck: she tries to make people think she’s highly intelligent by putting the wrong emphasis on the wrong syllable [see title for details].
Once, while she was regaling me with details of her date with a coworker (during this account she repeated “Illusions are false” … no shit, Woodchuck, that’s why they’re called “illusions”) she started telling me about how she and the coworker began “connecting”.
He apparently kept showing up in her office, bringing her her daily mail, etc. Then, he asked to borrow her copy of Ulysses. You and I know it as “you-LISS-ease”; Woodchuck, on the other hand, calls it “YOULL-iss-ease”. Throughout the [rather one-sided] conversation, Woodchuck repeatedly referenced “YOULL-iss-ease”. Repeatedly.
At first, I just chalked this up to Woodchuck being kind of insane and in a bad mood because of her horrible date with coworker boy.
That is, until last week.
I was in Woodchuck’s area [no, not THAT area. and i HAD to be there. it wasn’t by choice] and she was doing some major asskissing after the “big mouth” episode. We were chatting about how some of our building got flooded and how disgustingly moldy everything smelled.
“Not a very healthy work environment, eh?” I said.
“”Yeah with the mold and there may even be ass-best-OHSS stirred up.”
I was so tempted to say “You mean ass-BEST-ohss?”
It’s like the time someone I know pronounced Paul Klee’s last name “Kleeee” instead of “Klay”.
I even googled that shit to make sure I was right.
And I was.