The cast of characters

You may have noticed that I encounter quite a variety of characters in my daily life.  I’ve decided to make a list of them, along with short descriptions and links to longer entries about them.  I may even sneak in a couple of new ones.

1. Pentagenarian: the 50-something lady with whom I work.  Known for wearing short skirts and clicky shoes and walking REALLY fast around the office.  Hasn’t been  mentioned around The Fresh Cracker lately because she seems to be starting to comprehend the fine line between inquisitive and nosy.

2. Lady Criesalot: The early 20-something coworker who calls her parents “Mama and Daddy” even in conversation with others.  Cries almost daily over ex-boyfriends, current boyfriends, and her daddy being mean.  Likes to bust into my office yelling “Hola!” at the exact moment I’m furiously typing to get shit done.  Doesn’t get the hint when I continue typing and do not look at her.  Also, gets mad when I don’t have time to go to her office and show her basic HTML skills that a monkey could learn.  Google is your friend.

3. Gary Coleman: The very heavy and loud female coworker who looks like Gary Coleman but is somehow very cute at the same time.  Can get rowdy.  Sweats a lot and frowns on stairwells in favor of the elevator.  May keel over at any moment.  Is overall a sweetheart whose vocal cords are just a bit too developed.

4. Bible T-shirt Girl: The bane of my existence.  Okay, she’s not THAT important, but this [quite large] girl bugs.  Lately taken to repeatedly kicking her desk [which, incidentally, used to me MY desk until she bamboozled me one night. Desk is right beside me through a heaven-sent divider] and, making “I’m in tremendous pain” faces, making lists of “cool names” like EUGENIA (believe me, I saw it), and clucking like a chicken while at work.  This is when she ISN’T throwing snot rags at the lady adjacent to her. The lady adjacent to her is our next cast member.

5. Bad Singer Who Likes Tigger: Unfortunately, I have no previous entries about BSWLT.  Not that she isn’t becoming a MAJOR player in the cast of characters.  BSWLT can almost be combined with BTSG into one huge, stinking, noisy, annoying entity. That I would like to kill. She participates in snotrag volleyball with BTSG, sings/hums as loudly as possible, and, just last night, eyes me while mumbling incoherently as I walk into work.  Did I mention that she has Tigger cutouts and pictures frames all over her desk?  Like I told my coworkers the other night: Tigger is for five-year-olds and retarded people.  No offense to retarded people.


7 thoughts on “The cast of characters

  1. I’m Gary Coleman. I think.

    Ballsy, brass…loud. Everyone wants to both simultaneously BE ME and RUN FROM ME at the same time.


    I love the manic-ness of it all.

    Like the new look of your blog, Canadian!! Have a great weekend, eh…


  2. abarclay12 says:

    I picture you carrying a notebook around and writing funny things about people when you’re supposed to be working. Am I right or do you only translate your innermost thoughts about your coworkers on your blog?

  3. Can you believe that I commit it all to memory with the intentions of blogging about it later?

    With my luck, any notebook jottings would be discovered by BTSG and she would probably sit on my head.

  4. Laurie K: Can you believe I haven’t made it to Canada yet? I blame lack of funds and a very low accumulation of paid time off.

    I AM going to NH in October [I’ve only been as far north as Maryland!] but I fear it will pale in comparison.

  5. Didn’t we have a conversation not long ago about you going to Canada or wanting to go to Canada…or am I eating the brown acid once again??

    If not forgive me, I’m old and angry and bitter over being the office Gary Ass Coleman.


  6. No brown acid this time; I did talk about wanting to go to Canada to escape our God-awful heat, but I think for now it’s just a pipe dream.

    It’s finally cooled off around here, but I still feel like a constant sweatball.

  7. thegirlfromtheghetto says:

    OMG, I laughed so hard today reading about your co-workers. I’m too scared to write about mine … kudos on this one…

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