Attempted theft!

The damn food-stealer just got a mouthful from me.

And I’m not talking stolen food, either.

Today, my coworker K offered to make a Starbucks run for us.  Now normally, I don’t get anything because, ever since they got rid of their Coconut Creme Frappuccinos, I’ve had no idea what to get from Starbucks.

K advised me to look online and I decided on a delicious Chai Tea Frappuccino.


Since about seven of us ordered drinks, K called as she was on her way back so I could let her into the building/help her carry the plethora of drinks.

We climbed the stairs and stopped at the first cube to hand off drinks to two of our coworkers.  K pointed out that the last one in my drink carrier was my drink.

Trying not to look and failing miserably, I saw the damn food-stealer’s eyes get really big as she eyed my drink.

I tried to turn and run but she blurted, “Freshcracker, what did YOU get?”

Notice she didn’t ask about anyone else’s.

“A chaiteafrapp,” I quickly said.

Without missing a beat, the damn food-stealer said, “Mmmmm can I have some?”

I saw red.

And my coworker’s probably saw red. On my face.

Finally I said, “You are ALWAYS taking my food!”

The damn food-stealer’s face went red and she attempted to shift focus to K for not including her on the drink order.

We all ignored her.

Damn, that felt good.

p.s. I am employing the slap method (Jimsmuse, not quite as radical as a fork, but I may have to work up to that) next time her bony hand comes anywhere near my food or beverage.


8 thoughts on “Attempted theft!

  1. Ok, listen. This makes me so mad; it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Who does she think she is that she can get her spittle all over your stuff?! I take it you didn’t give her a sip 🙂 I bet her reaction was priceless!

    I usually just tell people that I’m “really weird about germs” and would prefer not to share.

  2. 2lazydogs says:

    Holy crap. Who does shit like that? She definitely needs a crack on the hand. Whhhhhhhaaaack!

  3. princesse: For real! I’m glad someone else shares in my hatred of this behavior. I totally didn’t give her a sip. And I made sure to slurp really loudly while drinking it. I really should use the germs excuse next time.

    2lazy: The same kind of people who plan their own “going away” party when they’re just transferring downstairs [yes, she really did] and, when her new roommate brought over her cupboard goods she exclaimed “Now I have food!”
    The damn food-stealer is absolutely clueless.

  4. bronsonfive says:

    Wait, so this is the same food stealer as last time? What a whore.

  5. Yes, Mr. Five, the very same.

    Luckily, the damn food-stealer is moving downstairs to another department.

    We had her going away breakfast today. That she planned for herself…

  6. romi41 says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA…that is the best verbal-bitch-slap EVER! You are officially my office-hero!


    PS: she did NOT plan a breakfast for herself…??? Crazy, crazy, crazy…

  7. Oh, Romi, she did. I wish I could say I was lying, but then I’d be lying.

    Know what I mean?

    Today she peeked over the top of my cube at me to say hello and, when I answered back, she started making her way around the wall to come see me.

    I quickly [almost superhuman quickly] slid my bag of goldfish crackers around behind a stack of files. She never noticed.

  8. Red says:

    When ya slap her grubby fingers, make sure ya got a fork in your hand as well.
    Share the coffee? Pshh, could you imagine the floaters?!

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