Category Archives: not the mama

Why I am probably already an old spinster -or- perpetually single

I don’t think I’ll ever be able to meet a guy who will put up with me.  There are times when I am like “Oooooh! This weekend, I’m totally going to go out and have a great time!” and then, by the time the weekend comes, I’m more like “Wow. Sitting in my apartment and watching a movie then going to bed sounds like a GREAT idea.”

I’m not easily definable, and it seems like all the guys I know want someone that is.  There are too many aspects of my life that almost don’t make sense when put together:
– i love cemeteries, stories about ghosts, dead people, forensics, anything some people might consider “ghoulish” but show me a worm on the sidewalk and i will probably punch you for grossing me out.

– i listen to loud angry music that says things like fuck shit damn hell, but i also listen to sixpence none the richer and stavesacre and beloved aka bands with a “Christian message”.

– along those same lines, I’m totally a believer, but the things that come out of my mouth [especially when I drive] could possibly make a sailor blush.  a lot of people don’t understand that.

– I think toilet humor is hilarious, but I know some dudes that go so far as to believe that girls don’t even fart, so there’s a strange juxtaposition: if they don’t think I even fart, then how can I possibly joke about turds and stuff with them?

– I am just as happy wearing cutoffs, a tank top and flip-flops as I am wearing pointy-toed shoes, crisp jeans, and a “cute top”. I am neither a tomboy nor a girly-girl.

– I think things like this:

and this:
are unbelievably hilarious

– I could sit and play Galaxia, Dig Dug, and Rally-X until my fingers bled.  Old-school video games are awesome to me… and so are computer games.  I won’t tell you how many rounds of Dynomite or Free Cell I’ve played in the last month.

– This was my favorite Halloween costume of all time, from 2005:

Me as Stuart

My brother has warned me never to let any dude I like see this picture, because it will apparently scare him off.  BUT I want a guy who will see this picture and think I’m the coolest chick alive.

– I’m kind of a geek. and I like geeky guys.  But it seems I’m not ENOUGH of a geek to GET the geeky guys.

– I look like this when I laugh:

Haha

(ignore the cleav, plz)

Aaaand there are a whole lot of other things, but none come to mind. I’ll let you know.

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A short one about a shorty. Wait, about TWO shorties.

This morning, a student came into my office to see me.

It was a female.

And she looked EXACTLY like a way prettier, less busted version of Fergie.

Also, one of my students got mugged this weekend. Not fun.

I’m seriously no more than three to five years older than some of these people but I feel all motherly about them.  Even though there was nothing I could do, I had her call me after she picked up her new keys just so I could hear her tell me that she was okay.

p.s. I saw “Knocked Up” yesterday and it was hilarious. Especially the “Gabe Ruth” line.